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Ontario Men's Health
3200 Dufferin St.
Suite 402
Toronto, ON
M6A 3B2

Phone: 416-512-6367
Fax: 416-512-6361
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Talking to Your Partner

Sexuality and issues of sexual performance are intensely personal topics even when things are going well. When things are good, this aspect of a relationship "just happens", so "talking about it" doesn't seem important. Couples just seem to grow into each other sexually over years.

Unfortunately, when things aren't going so well, this lack of communication makes the problem worse. Many men don't know how to communicate with their partner about issues of sex. When problems such as Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation, or Low Sex Drive arise, a man usually suffers a blow to his ego and self esteem. He may withdraw sexually rather than admit to a problem. If he doesn't communicate his problem and his thoughts about his problem to his partner, the partner may interpret things in their own perspective.

Talking to Your Partner

Although a man may not intend to insult his partner, he often unintentionally does so. The partner often assumes that this apparent lack of sexual interest means that the man no longer finds them attractive, or that he harbours anger or resentment about unrelated issues.

The partner may then withdraw sexually as well, and the resulting stalemate hinders communication even further. Over time, people forget how the dysfunction in the relationship began.

Remember that sexual problems affect your partner as much as yourself. Your partner suffers both from the lack of intimacy and from the loss of self esteem that comes with that. And since many men with sexual problems become irritable, depressed, and socially withdrawn, their partners, who live in close proximity, must suffer through this as well.

Good communication is important from the beginning to avoid misunderstanding, and to allow for earlier and better treatment. Talk to your partner openly from the beginning about your perception of your problem and your desire to seek treatment.

If your relationship is already lacking in communication, it isn't too late to make things better. Tell your partner you've been having problems with sex and that you want to make the situation better for both of you. If communication is too difficult, then at least suggest you see your doctor or a therapist together.

At Ontario Men's Health, we welcome partners to attend visits, as their involvement is often an important part of successful treatment.

 


I know that sex is supposed to be one of the most enjoyable parts of life, but I always found it stressful. Usually I would ejaculate just as my wife and I were getting started. After awhile I wasn't even getting good erections. My wife always smiled and did her best to make me feel that it didn't matter, but I could sense disappointment. I tried to achieve more at work to make up the difference. I finally got up the nerve to see a doctor after reading something in a magazine. I had it all wrong. With some simple treatment and practice, things have improved dramatically for my wife and I. Now we are both smiling.

My wife and I were getting along OK, but we had slipped into a routine of avoiding sex because it was awkward for both of us when I couldn't perform. We just put it down to age and moved on. One day I just decided to look into it further, and let me tell you, don't let anyone tell you that you need to give up sex just because of your age. Our life is much more complete now than it has been in years. Get help today. My wife and I are so glad we did.